giving up

Turning corners


I’m not searching for you anymore.

I don’t wake up and look for your words, your ping, your voice. 

You did it.

You pushed me far enough out of the envelope of you, that I don’t keep any hope, not a drop drying on the glass.

I don’t look for you.

I’m sad to admit my freezing, but this is your doing and I tried everything to stop it.

Are you happy now? Are you?

Moss beach was the last happy time with you.

Was it even real?

See…..you have made me question even my memory of happiness.

I think my heart must be shattered in too many pieces to be put back in any kind of order.

I can’t be this person.

I can’t be this person, it hurts too much. It’s too much to bear.

The deck is always stacked against me.

I’m not in a good place and it’s only getting worse and I’m wanting what I can NEVER have, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much of myself I give up.

First world problems can kill you too.