heart broken

Please Eternal Sunshine the last 5 years of my life


Over myself, over my futility, and over my heartbreak.

I am just over the nothingness of what I am to him, to me, to all of this, this very world I live in.

I can’t take it.

I hate every tick of these sentences, every beat, every moment.

I hate every word that I write and nothing is getting better and I am in this very blank space, vast and empty, a sheet of white paper against a white wall.

I am too old to feel this.

I am too sensible to be here, in this state with my heart.

I am too aware to be this ridiculous.

Why??? Why did I let this happen? What should be remembered with a crooked smile on my face and glimmer in my eye, is instead so painful…my bones ache.

Going into radio silence.


I think my heart must be shattered in too many pieces to be put back in any kind of order.

I can’t be this person.

I can’t be this person, it hurts too much. It’s too much to bear.

The deck is always stacked against me.

I’m not in a good place and it’s only getting worse and I’m wanting what I can NEVER have, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much of myself I give up.

First world problems can kill you too.